My hair reeks of homosexuality.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
