Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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