I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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