you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
