fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize