i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
