Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
