dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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