Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
