he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just want to make out with him forever
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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