sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I don't deserve a penis
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
