i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
