The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
