Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
