So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
