I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Randomize
