guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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