I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize