new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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