We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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