so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
