U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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