glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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