Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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