Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
