I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
