I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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