i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
