I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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