my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
