Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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