i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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