I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize