Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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