i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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