Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize