A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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