Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Randomize
