why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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