I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
