Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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