I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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