ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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