Define "chronic" masturbator.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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