my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
