hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
