someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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