it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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