mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
