What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
