Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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