either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
it glows. i had to have it.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
