yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
