yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
