Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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