I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
