I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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