I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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