After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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