im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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