My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
birth control should be required to get into college
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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