Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
