I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
