So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
