It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
