I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
