Having a random hookup so left but love u
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
