If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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