Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize