she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize