i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
